Guys I think Dolce is going to commit suicide…" (Dolce=our fish) C
“Ya you put too much water in there he’s going to drown!” E
- 29th April
- 27th April
Pun of the Day:
A man walks into a strip club, the stripper says “oh sorry, we don’t ride BULLS here.
- 14th March
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said ‘snooze button’
- 22nd February
- 20th February
As if the first week hadn’t been eventful enough, week two was off to an even more interesting start. Thursday was, as you might be able to guess, a snow day. Thankfully classes were canceled and everyone was more than thankful.
B: “Granola what time do you need to be up for class?”
Granola: ”We aren’t going to have class.”
B: “Yes, we will. I was told they never cancel classes here.”
Granola: "Don’t set your alarm."
B: “Fine. But if I miss classes, you’re dead.”
But sure enough, Thursday came and school was canceled, aside from all the rumors. Entertaining themselves all day was difficult, kind of. They resorted to cutting, and not their wrists. Salamander and Rayban both desperately needed their hair to be trimmed, or buzzed… and that’s just what the girls did. C pulled the buzzer out and hair fell to the ground like leaves in the fall. Rayban’s hair went from a mop of a curly flow to a buzz. Salamander’s hair, however, was not such a drastic change: buzz to shorter buzz.
The girls’ buzz started early in the afternoon, too, at approximately four o’clock. Their idea for the night was to parrrtaaaaay! According to Busch Lite, the beach houses were looking good, and she invited B, C, E, and L. They all sloppily entered an acquaintance’s house with thoughts that it might not be so hot, but with intentions to mix and mingle with some boys, and that’s just what they did.
B caught up with a few people she new from home while the other three chatted with a few familiar faces. L, feeling the buzz slightly more than C and E but not quite as much as B, managed to find a cute sophomore man to talk to, Hearts. L was swept off her feet with his charm and found herself getting his number for later. Meanwhile, B was really catching up with Dribble Boy. Two summers ago B had dated a boy from her summer house, and met Dribble Boy at a party. His name comes from the mess he made of himself. He had been packing a lip and was already very drunk. The lip pushed him over the edge, and between turning as white as a sheet of paper and throwing up, he lost control of his mouth. Dribble Boy began to dribble the brown gunk of the wad of dip tucked under his lip. Seeing him at the party was a bit of a shock. B had no idea he had gone to the same school, and began her drunken flirt. They danced. They kissed and B had no idea. B, C, E and L started a dance party… between the four of them and maybe three guys. Once the girls had returned to the dorms it got crazier. That night B went to Granola’s room and found him passed out. That didn’t stop her from waking him up, telling him to find go find her and red-lining him in her bed, all night! L on the other hand disappeared, again. The girls eventually found out that her disappearing act was to the home of her dear friend Hearts. It was an alarming morning. Literally. The fire alarms had woken everyone up blaring at a high pitch. After dressing and retreating to the freezing cold, the girls located each other. B had only one request: “Push me into the snow so I can go back to sleep.” And that’s exactly what they did.
Friday night was one to forget. 6+ shots deep, L began to get a little drunk as you could imagine. She blacked out. 10+ shots deep B blacked out for the better. E and C got stuck taking care of the babies nursing them back to health. The night started out in C and E’s room where the liqueur was flowing heavily. B hadn’t talked to her mother in almost a full week because of arguments and typical poop and thought it would be a good idea to take it out on alcohol. It wasn’t a good idea. She had been distracted and hoped to catch the elevator but instead she caught her hand and could only do one thing, scream bloody murder.The boys ran out and saved her only to find a swollen fist with a ring that began to cut off circulation. C and E rushed to her side to ice and rip off the ring. The next morning B gladly had not recollection and only felt sore. She dragged L into the game and they went shot for shot, until L got caught off. As drunk as L got it showed in her behavior. She was resistant and angry. C and E tried to put her to bed only to find they had to force her into her room. The next morning the girls found out L had been found by Bat Boy, an athletic fella found on the ground floor. L explained many times to him that she was only trying to find her friend B and how she was lost. After babysitting L, E went to bed and C had a visitor, the kind E was not too thrilled about. Rayban and C were cuddling, then snuggling and then… CANOODLING! To say the least breakfast was interesting.
After hours, days, and weeks of studying, not school work of course, but Disney trivia, Saturday had finally come! And the four had the best kind of visitor they could have hoped for…MOM! E’s mom had came for a day long visit and had only hoped to let the girls enjoy themselves and to see her daughter. She not only helped the girls find their drunk that night, but took them out for a real meal at Joe’s American Bar and Grill, which had a few good things about it; they had Americanized food, they weren’t expensive and they were normally fast. After watching “27 Dresses,” the four plus mom had an idea to give the waitress a fixed tip for the night and every time she messed up they would deduct from it. Deduct. Deduct. Deduct was commonly heard in the hours they were there. Unfortunately they got caught! But after cramming back into the red convertible bug, the girls returned to school and mom back home. The four reviewed a bit for their trivia, and got dressed. The girls went confident only to find themselves guessing not on trivia but history questions on Walt Disney himself! Unfortunately the girls left without a free trip to Disney World and decided they could fix their depression with shots and a party. So the girls ventured on up to the town houses. On the way C received a call from her mother and was only told to turn around and go to bed. They should have taken this as a hint that they were drunk, but it did no such thing. Once they reached their destination, the girls found their places. B went to the flip cup table, joined by C. It wasn’t long before C got kicked out of the game and found her good friend Rayban and she did more than just find him, she hooked up all over the counters. When she got sick of him she found E and decided cookies were needed. Luckily they found some! L did her own thing. When it came time to return to the dorms, they were creative in their paths. C and The Worm went one way. He carried her home and not only dropped her but took a picture of it which he doesn’t remember. B and L went back with Asshole. B decided she would go her own way and ended up walking in knee high snow, cutting her legs all the way back. E mysteriously got back. Rayban had the pleasure of taking care of her because her drunkenness became overwhelming.
Raeban: "L, I would do this for you and C too…and maybe B."
Sunday morning came and the girls were very confused. B woke up with what she thought was a red skirt on (not what she wore out). Emily woke up topless next to a puddle of vomit. L didn’t remember anything. C woke up in Rayban’s bed. After discussing what they thought had happened, it was decided that E had used the sprinkler technique when puking, B was actually wearing a shirt, and C had hooked up with Rayban. They weren’t sure what happened to L.
- 13th February
- 10th February
you're lives are sooo interesting
keep em coming =]
Asked by: Anonymous
thank you :) but don’t worry, there’s plenty to come! haha
- 9th February
A dear friend struggled the first week to get on track with school, but not for common reasons. She sat the girls down one afternoon and explained her case. The first semester, her grades had slipped in two classes and she had to withdraw from them so her grades would not be seen by future employers. But without the required credits, the school was threatening to take back a hearty amount of her scholarship. They told her the only way she could get it back the following year was to make up the classes at that school come summer. But the girls heard multiple stories and became curious if the truth had really been told. Good-byes were said, and tears were shed as she left.
Shortly after, the girls began to ponder different ideas why she really might have left, since her story seemed a little fishy. Her leaving seemed a little spur of the moment, and nearly a week after she was home she started attending another college. Needless to say, dinner that night got interesting. Each girl started revealing different sex secrets Baby Mama had exposed to them in confidence, and they started adding up. After all her dirty laundry was aired, chaos emerged. The list of the red-lined (red-lining, if you haven’t caught, is sex. Plain old sex,) men were as followed:
And even more that they just couldn’t remember…
The list just kept growing and every time another secret was discovered, all were in shock. They couldn’t believe it, but it was time to face the facts. Baby Mama was a secret whore. Innocence was stolen from each man that was added to the list, gone forever, and the girls would never look at them the same…
B: “Wait she had sex with Baby Daddy, the night we slept in his and Stanley’s room. I was strictly snuggling with Stanley and I heard something and looked up…OH MY LORD! It all makes sense…they were fucking! That’s why the bed was squeeking, and she told me the next day they did it, I just didn’t realize it was when I WAS IN THE ROOM!”
With all these discoveries it lead to all sorts of assumptions, and not the kind the girls were proud of. But they were just excited with the idea they were going to be aunties! When it came down to the reason why Baby Momma had left, it must have been because she was pregnant! That many guys, always having to take her birth control the same EXACT same time (to the minute) every day, and never liking to use condoms…it must be true!
As Taytay would say, “Who you are is not what you did, you’re still an innocent.”
…as for Baby Daddy, there’s a reason he got his name, too. On the day Baby Mama left, she went to say good-bye to him and as she left the room, the girls spotted him wiping away a tear. The only conclusion they could draw was because she was taking away his love child. It only made sense.
Unfortunately the girls were informed that they were not going to be aunties and the truth was that she had actually failed out of school and was to return home to go to community college.
And now you know how Baby Mama got her name :)
- 7th February
The first week began with a lot of alcohol and a lot of sex.
L, being a transfer student and all, didn’t know anyone except one person from home, B, who she was eager to find. Luckily for her, she didn’t have to look far. As she was walking out of her room that Monday afternoon, she heard a familiar voice.
B: “Oh my God…no way!”
L was clueless who it could be until she got closer and found that her and B were living in the same dorm! That night the alcohol flowed like a waterfall with Taylor Swift playing in the background and a rainbow in full bloom. It began with an innocent game of Kings inGranola and Mario’s room, and ended with funneling beers…or at least trying to. But B just wasn’t having it. The rest of the night was a blur.
The next morning classes began. It was a slow moving morning, but once the first day finished the girls broke out their good friend, Dubra, and began once again. B and L had a bit of their own adventure when they went with Baby Mama, Granola, and a few others to meet their good old friend ‘Mary-Jane.’ It was such a good time that when they returned back to campus they couldn’t seem to remember what floor they were on…
L: “We just passed my room…”
B: “No, that’s where your room would be but it’s not the right floor.”
L: “No. That is was my room!”
B: “Oh shit! I think you’re right…”
As you could probably imagine, a whole day off was filled with a lot of partying. L, B, Bruins, Rayban and Robe decided to go sledding on the biggest hill on campus. While going down hill,Robe started undressing for some odd and unknown reason. When it was L’s turn, she almost ran straight into a tree until luckily Rayban saved her.
The craziness continued with a second snow day…
After a few shots and mixed drinks, C and L came up with a brilliant plan to pee in the urinals that were in the girl’s bathroom. E pretended not to know who they were.
Later that night, C hooked up with Boo-boo, giving her Mufasa sex hair, but little did she know that minutes before that he had dragged Sheep into his room for the same thing…it did NOT end well.
Sheep: (Knocking on C’s door) “Excuse me, but he was just inside me!”
Boo-boo: “I’m sorry! What do you want me to do?”
C: “Forget me! Because I’mma do me, and you do you.” (in a ghetto voice)
Because their screaming had echoed the dorm halls, RAs started to get suspicious. Luckily, B had convinced them it was just a rough breakup and nothing to be too concerned about. It ended with a full therapy session with the floor RA which only E remembered in the morning. To let out C’s feelings she went onto Google Translator and listened to this:
and then this:
First Jungle Juice Friday
With weekend one rounding the corner excitement was in the air even though they hadn’t spent a full 24 hours sober. The nights events begun with shots, shots and more shots, then continued on to a reddish drink they call JUNGLE JUICE! Earlier L had announced her dedication to sleeping over C and E’s room. Well it’s safe to say she kept her promise…only not the way E had hoped. Rayban had been exiled from his room that night due to sexual actions going on between his roommate, Robe, and a girl. he ventured on up to C and E’s room where he typically crash during these sorts of occasions. He climbed into C’s bed completely unaware L had passed out there for the night. He looked at her tits and realized they were much larger that the typical breasts found in that bed and got little excited. How he initiated things is still a mystery to everyone. With E still in the room the romance began, with an intense make-out session. When C decided the night had come to an end she return to her room where she spotted L and Rayban making out with a little boxer action. L’s hands just happened to be in his pants.
C: “E, they are hooking up in my bed! She has his hands down his pants!”
Both E and C began laughing…and while they were laughing hard, Rayban was getting hard.
C: “K, I’m gonna go, but don’t worry they know you’re awake so they won’t do anything more…”
That’s what she thought. The romance continued on a fast track to sex… E still in the room. She sat through the whole thing with her stomach turning as they moaned and groaned and as the bed creaked with their motions. The only dialogue E remembers hearing was when L ‘as a matter a factly’ askedRayban his last name mid thrust.
L: “Wait…what’s your last name?”
A moment straight from “Jersey Shore.”
Rayban: “It’s ban, Rayban.”
L: “Oh, okay.”
The thrusting continued.
Meanwhile B had disappeared per usual somehow ending up in Granola’s room continuing the R-rated things being heard down the hall…Mario, Granola’s roommate, walked in on them in missionary position hearing B’s moans. He hid Shaniqua’seyes from the profanity, adult content, partial nudity, and SEX.
Back at E’s room L and Rayban continued scarring E for life. When Rayban reached climax, he asked on simple question:
He walked out of the room with a handful of white substance flooding his hands. L and him both went to the bathroom to refresh themselves to go back to the room and snuggle.
B slept as long as she could in Granola’s room, but with the heat on high she fled to E and C’s room only to spot L and Rayban in bed together. She pointed and questioned E what the hell happend.
E: “THEY HAD SEX!”
B: “I DID TOO!” She crawled into E’s bed. “Wanna hear about it?!”
E: “Not really, but you’re probably going to tell me anyway.” And B continued to explain what happened…
B: “It started out with just a really intense hook-up and then we got really horny and just had to do something. We got up to his bed and he went up and yaddy yaddy yadda…”
Meanwhile C was lost. She had nowhere to sleep and nowhere to go. Somehow came up with the idea to go to B’s room where her roommate slept quietly until C entered. The text B got from her roommate read as followed:
“B, one of your friends came into the room and said she is sleeping in your bed. I hope it doesn’t startle you because it startled me…”
Needless to say, breakfast the next morning was VERY entertaining.
Saturday: Adventures Continue
Drinks, drinks, and a few more. Thing 1 and Thing 2 visitedThe Worm and it got a little sloppy for them. The four girls went downstairs on rounds to spend time with the guys when C noticed that Thing 1 was completely passed out on the couch in The Worm’s room. She and Thing 2 couldn’t resist the opportunity and took full advantage, writing and drawing inappropriate images on his face and body and proceeding to spray pink silly string all over him. These images consisted of a penis drawn on his forehead, a unicorn on his cheek, Elvis Presley-like side burns, and eyes drawn on his eye lids.
Sunday: Who did he tell you that to?
L got completely wasted and sat in the elevator most of the night while Granola, Mario and B continued to ask her the grammatically incorrect statement, “who did he tell you that to?” Giggling, but also extremely confused, she didn’t know how to answer so instead she pressed every button in the elevator. On every floor, L would proceed to check to make sure there were no RAs.
After Granola and B told her to climb the red structure outside their building, L agreed and trudged through thigh-high snow just to complete the ridiculous task. It was recorded, and watched repeatedly.
- 6th February
With a new year comes new experiences…right? Well you have no idea the experiences these college girls go through. This blog was made to outline their lives and document the insanity that happens at college. You will never know their real names, or anyone else’s for that matter but that wont stop them from telling ALL their juicy stories…
Let’s just call these four girls B, C, E and L. Everyone else who they interact with will be given code names and will be in italics. Hopefully you can catch on!
The story begins with just two roommates in September, C and E. Then after a rough first few months with some stinky roommates, B moved out of her building and into Cand E’s. Their group of friends grew and grew from there and come second semester, there came a transfer student; L. The adventures begin there…